“Everyone has their own Robin- the person that you loved very much, but you cannot be with. And whoever you’ll meet, whatever you’ll do, nothing will be like it would be with Robin.” (a quote related to How I Met Your Mother)
At least once in our lifetime we meet our own Robin. As for me, I have met one lately and I guess time and circumstances show that he is really a Robin for me. So before I moved on from this unrequited feeling, I want to dedicate this post to him.
To my own Robin.
Nothing prepares you for whoever you meet, whoever you like or under what situation you will be in. For all we know, without us noticing we are already falling for someone whom we don’t even entirely know. That’s what happened to me. When I met him, I know I already liked him. I like the way he looks, the way he talks or even the way he acts. Though some take it against him, I like how soft his gestures are. I have always liked guys who are a little feminine. Yet despite liking him on the spot, I decided to keep it to myself because the attachment wasn’t that strong. I contented myself looking at him whenever he pass by or listen to him taking calls when he’s seating nearby. It has been like this for some time and it has been fine. Then he approached me once.
It was just a simple conversation. He just asked if someone is sitting on the chair beside me. It was just very quick. He might not even remember it. But I was lost in that few minutes. And up until now, I can still picture him in my mind, leaning a little closer, speaking so gently. That must have been the time when I realized I really like him. Enough to want to know him better or to be near him. My friends told me it’s not suppose to be. That he’s too feminine to actually like a girl. That I am only wasting my time. Thinking about it, there might be some truth in it. Yet that time, I didn’t care whatever preference he has. He doesn’t have to be converted because I am, with arms wide open, ready to accept him for whoever he is. For whatever past he may have. I thought fate will be good this time. My teammate, who happens to be his aunt, became our bridge to know each other.
I can’t explain my feeling when I saw his name in my Skype, requesting to add me as contact. My heart was beating so fast and loud, it’s like wanting to come out of my chest. I was so occupied I hardly noticed that shift coming to an end. We were chatting almost the whole time. This was the very first time I initiated a conversation with someone. It’s like I was clearly showing my interest in him. And that was not so me. When I feel that he was not interested at all, I shouldn’t have insisted myself. But there I was, creating different topics to lengthen our conversation. I was afraid it would end. So for quite sometime we interacted and though I had an idea that he was just being dragged through this whole affair, I was still giving it a few more push because I was hoping it will work. But it didn’t. Instead of getting closer to him, I have learned things that disheartened me instead. Things are definitely going the wrong way. So this is why I am writing this post. This serves as a realization on how impossible it is to be with him. How he is really a Robin in my life. Nevertheless I am happy we have met and communicated for some time.
I may not be able to tell him personally but I am grateful for the short time I have shared with him. I can’t deny that for several times he made me happy. I found myself smiling again. I haven’t felt sleepy when I was always like that before when we were not yet communicating. I was excited to be in the office knowing I’ll see him again. I felt alive once more as I had another reason to work. I was filled with the possibilities that fate may offer us, should there had been an us. I have truly enjoyed spending time thinking of him, giggling over thoughts of him, looking at him, chatting with him and everything that is connected to him. For all of this, I can never wish that I shouldn’t have known him or communicated with him. I just want him to know though that I am praying the best for him. That whatever happens, he’s going to stay as a sweet short memory. He’ll always be cherished and I hope that we’ll become close friends one day.
As for now, I am contented knowing that he’s happy with his situation. I hope he will be with the person who deserves the love he invests. Someone who’s gonna take care of him when he’s not feeling well, or comfort him when he’s feeling down. The person who will stand by him and fight for him when he’s at odds with the rest of the world. Someone who’s willing to spend his whole life loving him more than the way I want to or I can. He is not difficult to love so I know he will surely have this kind of person beside him. I guess what I’ve learned from him is that love knows no limit. That love really works in mysterious ways. I’ve learned that love will cross the boundaries that social norms prepared. That to love is to face the possibilities of the impossible things that lay ahead of us. That loving means to never ever stop believing and hoping that love in itself will find a way.
(photo credits to: beta.bestie.vn)