I’m Single and Yes, I’m Curious

 

How amazing it is to truly fall in love. The kind of love that you would so unselfishly offer everything to the other person. The love that will give you the strength to conquer even the world if you have to. The love that knows neither pain nor conditions. An unconditional kind of love. If loving is already enough to make someone happy, I could only imagine what it would feel like if your special someone loves you back. Maybe it will feel like coming home from a very long journey. That comforting feeling when you’re lying in bed after a long day’s work. That satisfying feeling of being whole after the long search or wait for that better half is over.

 

“I am alone but I am happy”, I used to say which is quite true for I am comfortable being single, all my life. But there are also times when I’d think about myself being in a relationship. Would it work? Am I ready? I used to think. I have witnessed my friends being in relationships that I think I exactly know what to do when my time comes. And yet whenever I think about the challenges they face, I would sometimes wonder if it’s worth all the risk. When you are single, you’re free, you have all your time to yourself, you don’t have to get along with bipolar boyfriends who would always complain but don’t do anything. The usual birthday present will now have additional monthsary and anniversary gifts and then now the trends even narrowed down to weeksary! And the hardest thing is to always consider that someone in almost every decisions you’ll make, sometimes even for the most simple things. And that’s why I am afraid to take that first step to dating and courtship. Then came the couple shirts, the pre-nuptial videos online, the hashtag-relationship-goals-captions of pictures throughout the internet. Now, whenever I open my Facebook account, I see wedding photos of college friends (I even saw the wedding pictures of my student during internship); pregnant pictures of high school schoolmates or family pictures (complete with kids) of Elementary batchmates. It might be normal for me to look back at my twenty-two years of existence and realizing that all this time, while these people are happily settling down, I am single and no boyfriend since birth. I would look at their happy pictures and I’d tell myself it’s actually the memories they have together with their partners that I have been missing all this time. That even though I am already fine by myself, there must be a different level of completeness to be with someone you love who loves you as much or maybe more.

 

There are times I’d wonder what it feels like to have someone by your side to comfort you when you’re in pain and cheer you up when you’re feeling low. Or to have someone who would still wait for you even when you are constantly late. To know that someone will understand your different moods or listen to your endless complains. To have someone fulfill your different requests or at least try to grant even those nonsense wishes because he knows those trivial things will actually make you smile. I often wonder what it would be like to have someone who will fight for you. Someone who will celebrate your success, love your flaws, kiss your tears, hug the differences that you have with him as part of who you are. How to have someone who will respect the limits you set, who will reprimand if needed and helps you conquer the greatest fears or deepest sorrows you have. I wonder what it would be like to have someone who will be contented, who will need you as much as he needs air to breathe and knows exactly your worth. Someone who will show how much he loves you when you’re around and loves you even more when you’re not. Someone who can keep your secrets and help mend the heartaches from long time ago. For someone to fear your God and make your faith even stronger. I want to know how it feels like to realize that there is someone who will stay with you, even when you are at odds with the rest of the world.

 

How ideal it is for all these “someones” to be combined. And to be with this someone who would love every inch of you down to the very core of your soul is like a dream coming true. Waiting for him to come might take some time. It might take some pain or heartaches from others who will come first but as someone told me once, everything will surely fall in its perfect place. I believe the heart will know when that someone who is meant exactly and only for you has finally come. Until then, I, with a heart full of hope, will wait patiently and faithfully for I know there is someone out there looking too.They say true love is hard to find and that keeping one is way harder. But maybe there is truth in those stories we read or watch. The ones which made us cry or believe that someone could love as much as the characters did. The stories that kept us up all night wishing it will happen to us too. The fact remains that the greatest love stories ever told have also weathered the strongest storms. I don’t lose hope that it’s still possible to find someone who would fall genuinely in love with you nowadays. It will be a matter of who you will be choosing and that’s why you have to wait. Someday, if not anytime soon, I am going to give it a shot, of course. My teacher told me once that it’s better to fall in love and get hurt than to never love at all.

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