TURNING 23 AND STILL NBSB

 

Dear Future Boyfriend,

I am writing to you now as the 22-year old, no boyfriend since birth version of myself. Not to tell you how much I am expecting for you to sacrifice neither to present a list of demands I’ll later on check if you are providing. This is neither a threat nor an ultimatum. This is especially NOT a guideline on how I would like our relationship to be. This is simply for me to reach out to you as early as now. This is my way of giving you a glimpse of where and what I am right now. For you to access my feelings and thoughts without the boundaries I might be able to set once we are emotinally connected and invested in our relationship. This is my way of telling you that you are anticipated and prayed for. A way for you to know me and for me to share to you when we haven’t met each other yet.

Next month, I’ll turn 23. While the trend right now is having a boyfriend as early as teenage years, I am quite out of trend. I am always out of trend. Neither techy nor party animal. I am the old school type. I prefer physical books over ebooks. I prefer handwritten letters over emails. I prefer physical games over the addictive online games my brothers are so much into. I am the one you might meet at a coffeeshop, library or bookstore, not on a partyhouse nor a bar.

As I have been repeating it, it’s very important for you to know that I can’t help falling inlove with books, over and over again. Reading is my passion and something I really would like to share with you and (maybe) our future kids. If you haven’t experience it yet, I want you to travel with me and get lost inside the pages of wonderful books filled with adventures and lessons. This, of course, will not be imposed. It’s something I would love you to try and see for yourself how you’d feel about it. The reason I’m telling you that is for you to also know what keeps me busy these days.

Going back, yes! I’m a NBSB. At first I’d wonder how my workmates find this unbelievable and I feel awkward being ask about it. Right now though I got used to the reactions of people knowing for the first time that there are still NBSBs like me (and my friends) at this age. I guess, people nowadays are so used to hearing about teenage pregnancies and elementary lovers that while being a NBSB at 22 should not be a big deal before, it is in fact right now. When I was still studying, I haven’t really paid attention to it. I was busy with school and I am surrounded with crazy NBSB friends like me. This was never an issue. However, right now when I am surrounded with married and in-a-relationship workmates, I seem to feel different.

I have to admit that while I never let others’ opinion affect my decision making, their constant remarks about my relationship status had me wondering. I’d wonder if there’s really something wrong with me. When almost everyone have admirers, if not boyfriends, why is it exactly that no one’s approaching me? No experience with strangers asking my phone number or someone showing the slightest interest. I’m not in hurry as you can see, but somehow their comments made me conscious on the things I don’t usually notice. I wonder if I’m not pretty enough that’s why guys are never interested. I wonder if it has something to do with me not knowing how to cook or wash clothes or things like that. I wonder if it’s my attitude that makes me unwanted. I wonder if I am not worth loving that’s why I remain single. Is it because I show I can be fiercely independent that scares them away? Surrounded by lovers in PDA, seeing confessions and proposals on television and social media websites, reading blog posts of relationship goals attained, I can’t help getting curious. Is love still coming my way? Are “you” still coming?

A lot of people said I’m maybe too choosy or I’m maybe setting a high standard. People said to go out and meet strangers. If you come to think of it, that’s pretty easy right? Normally yes. But not for me. I am very awkward around strangers. My awkwardness is often mistaken as being snob. I’m really uncomfortable trying to get to know people purposely. I want everything to develop naturally. I don’t want to jump into the dating game. I want myself to really like it, to anticipate meeting that particular person and that is “you”. I don’t want to do it randomly because I feel like the sparks of love is slipping away with every disappointment from one failed attempt to another. I might sound too fairytale-ish. I might seem to trust so much to fate but this is what I believe.

I am firm in my belief that I’ll know when “you” will finally come. And I’m willing to wait. I have not waited that long just to get carried away by other people’s opinion. I know my worth and I am not going to settle for less just to be with someone I can call my own. I believe God wants to spare me from so much pain. I know He’s delaying things for me to mature first and be prepared to start a relationship. I know I must strengthen my relationship with Him first before starting a different one because in a relationship we must be spiritually prepared too. It will not just be about you and me but on top of everything else, at the center of our relationship will be God. God’s plans afterall are way, way better than ours. I have come to realize that while cuddling and kissing sounds nice, this won’t be worth experiencing if I will be in a forced relationship. This will be more special when shared with “you”.

So, don’t worry. I have made up my mind to just let their opinion pass from one ear to another. I’ll try not to pressure myself, I’ll pray if I will be. I won’t be too pushy. I won’t be in hurry. “You” are worth waiting for because you are heaven sent. “You” are God’s way of telling me that reward awaits the obedient heart. “You” are somewhere else right now doing the things that God exactly wanted you to do. What is more glorifying than knowing the person meant for me is a faithful one too? What is more comforting than knowing that the reason you’re not yet here is because you are fulfilling God’s command and plans for you? Something that will surely be beneficial to us. I am at peace knowing that we are under the same sky, look at the same stars, walk the same Earth and breathe the same air. If we’d put it this way, we are never too far from each other. One day our paths will cross just like how God has planned it to be (there are always crossroads, right?) for everything will fall perfectly in its place at the right time. God’s time is always the best time. I know my love I’ll see you soon.

Love,

C

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