To The Girl With The Broken Universe

You are so much more than what you already know. You can do so much more than what you can even imagine.

I look at you and I am always at awe with how blessed you are with the qualities I would wish to be mine, maybe in the next lifetime. I can see no limit to what you can possibly make out of the talents you have. You are blessed and I want you to know that. I want you to remember that EVERY. SINGLE DAY.

You’re the cool type. You’ve always been tough. The kind who won’t tolerate nonsense. Yet you also have the softest heart.

You love deeply and give every relationship your best shot. Never having to regret whenever it fails. Though despite all the efforts, I have seen your heart broken, several times. I have felt your heartaches and your drunken call one night with you sobbing on the other end of the line still breaks my heart until now. You’ve changed along the way.

I’ve missed the girl you once were. Though I am happy seeing the woman you’ve become. Your pain became your strength.

You may feel like having a broken universe, the one where you were supposed to have a happy ending with him but following the multiverse theory, there are still other universes existing right now. There’s this one universe, whole though old, that you can always turn to. That’s where we are, your friends, always waiting for you. Remember? We are your happy colors. We’ll paint that universe with all the shades you can ever imagine and we’ll fill it with cotton candies and Doraemon.

Someday, I know someone will come into your life and while I cannot promise a fairytale kind of love story, I know this will be something that’s worth the wait. I know because someone like you deserves so much happiness and one day it will come knocking on your door, in the most unexpected time with the most unexpected person. That will be your pot of gold, as what they say you’ll find at the end of a rainbow.

By the way, just so you know, you are really hard-headed MOST of the time. You might want to contemplate about that?

Still, you are my bestfriend and no matter how bitchy you may get at times, I will always have your back.

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In Another Universe, I Won’t Regret Letting You Go

The multiverse theory was introduced to me through Gabi Dunn’s tearjerker blog post,  Maybe In Another Universe, I Deserve You. I was so moved I cried. I guess because it was timely. Or maybe because the idea of having different universes simultaneously existing with different versions of the lives that we might have yet never had here and now is just too good to be rejected. Afterall, while the idea is disputable, who wouldn’t want to be comforted with the thought that somewhere in a universe different from ours but happening right now, we end up together? That I took the chance to truly live and never have to spend everyday regretting not taking the risk. That we are spending our glorious days and a life lived well together. That I don’t have to confess to my pillows at nights through tears and sniffs of how badly I wanted a second chance. For the ones asking for a different ending, the multiverse is a perfect escape. Then you’ll just have to think how you’d want it to end.

While almost everyone speak about the happily-ever-after kind of ending for their lost love, I have decided that starting from now, I’d go for the other way around. Wasting the past eight years of my life in this universe is more than enough.

So, in another universe, I won’t regret letting you go.

In another universe, I will be contented. I will cry a little, spent a few months moving on but I will not hinder myself in finding happiness in some other ways. I won’t look for you in every single guy I meet. I won’t search for the same loving eyes or same cheerful smile through every crowd I’m with. I will spend every single day after letting you go finding my life’s purpose and making the best out of everyday. I will no longer be confused on what to do with my life. I will know what I want and I’ll work very hard to achieve it. I will make my short life worth living.

In that universe I will see you and will not feel awkward. I will not have to hide my face behind a folder and run up the stairs in our college’s library once I see you approaching. I won’t have to pretend asleep inside the jeepney once I see you riding the same one. I won’t have to unfollow your Facebook account because I won’t get nervous everytime I see your name in my timeline. I won’t have to stalk using Google because I won’t be afraid Facebook and Instagram will have an update to track who’s stalking who. I won’t be paranoid over discussions regarding high school reunion. I won’t be afraid. I won’t be bothered. There’ll be no insecurities because then and there I have moved on with my life. I have everything set and a bright future is ahead of me.

There, once I look back, I will know the reason why we did not end up together. I will understand why things did not workout the way I have always wanted to. And there, it will be okay. Once I see you, I’ll see all the good memories flashing back yet I will just smile at them, then move on. Maybe, in that universe, we can even be good friends. We can go back to what we used to be. You can ask for my advice and we can go over our usual discussions. We may even fight or argue once in a while but we’ll remain friends. I might also discover that you are not entirely how I imagined you in my daydreams and sleepless nights. I will see the flaws I have been ignoring for so long. I might become realistic, if only then and there.

In another universe, I will be thankful we met but I will be grateful that I let you go.